“I am taking you on a faith journey.”

I remember when you quieted my loudest, deepest storm of questions with that promise. I am scared of the places You call me to go.  People who have preconceived ideas of who I was because my past issues were magnified and spread as rapid as dandelion seeds in the wind.  

“Will you trust that I am taking you [there] for a reason far better than anything you can see now?” 

Yes, Abba.  

I will daily, hourly trust fall into your expectant and open grip.  A trust fall that looks like a full blown sprint toward you, coming to a halt to spin 180, all in a swift motion. Almost jumping backward into the hands that have always carried me and will always carry me.

For years I deemed myself a night owl but I have been corrected. Saturday’s I work morning shift. I wake up at 5 to get time with the Lord in before I go. Though it is a bit croaky some mornings due to lack of sleep, I stumbled upon an absolute love for the morning. Specifically for waking up before the sun crawls over my line of sight on this planet. When things are still quiet and “Good morning”’s are whispered. The air feels crisp, droplets of dew sit on blades of grass and my window sill. Nobody plays their music too loud and the sound of cars, which binds into the perpetual hum of daylight, ceases to exist. Refrigerators are the only noise that rule in this hour; the one machine that is up and running on all cylinders. When I get up at that hour with my Creator it is as if He has let me climb upon His massive hand. He brings me up above it all and we sit on the edge together. Comfortable silence. We don’t have to speak, we just look out on it all together. There is no pressure to entertain each other in this relationship, no tendency to make small talk in order to usher out unfamiliarity or discomfort.

Sleeping late is mostly what I do in this season of shifts that end at midnight, but when I sleep in I feel as though my day has been taken from me. I only have a few hours to use up daylight, to search out people, or to create art before things get quiet again, permitting only the quietest of tasks.

It is quite interesting how Abba wraps His gifts to me. I am a lover of surprises and He knows it. Often when things go wrong instead of expecting breakthrough, I magnify that which I can see; the wrong. Instead, provision awaits. When I wrecked my car, untouched, unbruised and unscarred I focused upon the loss of a vehicle and a ticket but Abba made it for more. Through my inexperience driving on slick roads He brought me a new car without half of the problems my previous car had, He brought my mom extra money, He provided enough to pay off the deductible and the winter tires we bought and He had the ticket entirely dismissed. When I stepped back and let His hand move in the situation He left everything better than it was, every single detail saw His goodness. Every aspect saw improvement.

This morning our pregnant night audit asked if I could come in a bit early, she needed to go to the hospital. I was not upset thanks to the Father teaching me how to react just by watching His countenance, but I rushed to grab what I needed and left without what I did not. On the way there He set the sky on fire, and I mean He set it on fire. It was so beautiful I hope one of the walls in my house in Heaven has that sunrise on it. Creation shouted of His glorious riches this morning and I so happened to take notice. When I stepped out the door, traces of cotton candy had trailed in the dark blue sky and as I drove dark orange fire began to rise. I made my way down the highway while golden yellow moved in under the fire like molasses, bringing those rays with it. You know, the ones that shine through the clouds and are actually visible rays of light. Those are my favorite and I did not even know it. I tried to capture it on camera but there was absolutely no way to do it justice. Though in my humanity I am quick to forget I hope this gift imprints on my mind.

Gifts come wrapped in disguise so much of the time and I wish I had realized. Instead of seeing only with my eyes, I am called to look further than that; into the realm of hope. Not even the realm of hope is necessary. Sometimes merely peering into Abba’s eyes reveal His character in a way that is frankly too much to understand or put to words. If I stopped putting His character and His goodness on trial each time something looked like it was going wrong to me then I would see. For the first time I would truly see. Mystery is an opportunity to wait on the goodness I can not yet see. It will come. Thank you my Friend, my King.